I have debated with myself all day about typing this up as a post or not. I decided to write my thoughts down for my own record, and maybe as I do someone else who reads this will either find it half interesting or possibly helpful.
Since Jason left for Texas with his unit back in July we were lucky enough to have him return home both of these past two weekends on leave. Sadly though, the blessing of that short amount of time given to us was just that, short. This morning I took Jason back to the airport one more time and this time we will likely not see each other for 5 months or more.
Since he left in July I knew that I missed him. July and August were hard. I had help, but I was terribly sick and exhausted. It wasn't until he came home last weekend though that I realized all the little things that I had missed about being with him. I learned that it is the little things and not always the big things that make companionship desirable.
As he has been gone I have received a tremendous outpouring of help and offers for help. So many people have done so much for me. Being in a position of receiving service has opened my eyes on how those little acts of service really mean so much. I will never look at the struggles of others and think that some little offer of help is meaningless. Thank you to everyone who has watched my kids, cleaned my house, brought me food, mowed my lawn, sent me messages, or called to check on me. I can't tell you how many times those acts of service were just what I needed, and sometimes even prayed for.
But even with this outpouring of love, compassion, and service, I have learned how much I miss Jason. Those little moments where we just talk, or I watch him interacting with the kids, or the kids do something cute/funny and we just give each other a look--no words necessary but we know what each other is thinking, these are the things I have missed. Sending him off in July was hard, no doubt about it. Taking him to the airport last Monday and again today were much harder. This time I knew what the loneliness felt like. This time I realized all the cute things about our kids that he is missing out on. This time I knew how difficult it has been for him. This time I knew what to expect and I didn't really want to do it again.
So a year from now when he is home and I am grumbling about having to pick up after him, I hope I can use this new found perspective and appreciate having him around to be my companion.
3 comments:
I have found this perspective many, many times....and it really can strengthen a marriage. Now, when my DH is gone for even a few nights, when he returns, our love and appreciation for each other increases ten-fold! Hang in there! Wish I was closer to give you some service, but please know that you and Jason are constantly in our prayers.
My heart hurts for you! My situation was in no way like yours is but I understand completely the loneliness of it all. If this helps at all, the greatest blessing that came from what happened to me was that I learned to depend more on my Savior-I realized that at nights, when I was alone in my bed and could finally break down because the kids were off to bed-that was when I discovered how much my Savior really knew me and knew my circumstance. I sure love you and am praying for your sweet little family
Still thinking of you and praying for you guys. I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry you have to bear such a burden. But then again, it's those burden's that make us that much stronger. Hang in there. Please let me know if and how I can help.
Post a Comment